.unbelievably unreal.

Awake again.

Gasping for air as I find my breath within the smothered reality which has progressed significantly since the last time I remember being so awake. It takes me a moment to adjust to this present future, hitting me harder each time it brings me to the surface. 

It’s strange, and barely something I can put into words… but it’s as if the ‘in between’ moments are filtered with the haze of a dream. This is where I find little to no control, and I’m left watching this story unfold as if I have nothing at all to do with it, I’m merely a pawn.

In the hazey moments, life is glittery, life is magic. 

untouched, untainted, and unbelievably unreal.

A timeline where stress is lifted and nothing matters besides the literal minutes I’m told I exist within. The air around me tastes sweeter, and the people in my life are pixels of love and sunsets and every form of beauty that I’m capable of imagining. Truly, the most amazing thing I find is the lack of anything else.

The lack of stress, the lack of fear, the lack of control…

However, here I am, no longer in that state. I’m awake, again.

Bitter with myself for who I am during the ‘in between’… having to rewrite the plot so that I can make it make sense, when it isn’t even my fault. This sharp chaos that actually had nothing to do with me, not this version of me. I’m painfully reminded that stress, fear, and control keep me in check. They’re walls that keep me safe from the fog that awaits outside, eager to see me. As always, without fail, when my eyelids fall heavy, I know the show will start again. I will slowly watch the walls become bars, trapping my body… the fog creeps in and leads me back to the dream state.

The bars lower, and life is nothing but a sweet dream yet again.