My 2019.

 Welp, this is it, the final blog of 2019.

This year has been quite an interesting one for several reasons... There were so many highs, and maybe twice as many lows. This year, I’ve met new people who have quickly become some of my very favorite humans that I have ever met. My family has grown, and been reunited in a way that fills this hole I’ve had inside of me for so long... I cannot explain how much love I have in my heart for these wonderful creatures that I’m talking about. 

Now, here’s the thing, I don’t want to talk about the ‘low’ parts of 2019, simply for this fact: I’d rather not relive it.

 True, those things are important, but not nearly as important as the good things that have come from the year.   

At the end of it all, my battle with mental health and things like that have turned out in a way I hadn’t expected. I can see and feel all of the growth I have made in that big head of mine, and I’m so grateful that I’ve pushed myself to keep adjusting. If I’m being honest, I currently feel the most grounded that I have ever felt in my 20 years of life. My soul wants to find itself and be alive, and I adore that feeling. 

After the past few years, a lot has happened and I like to think that those events have changed me for the better. The person I am right now, is a human I never thought I would be, maybe that’s sad, or maybe it’s simply the opposite. Something has opened up and I seem to be strolling under an entirely different light than I was before. The fact that I need to make changes doesn’t depress me anymore, it excites me. 

For once, Change is beautiful and inviting. 

I’m getting to know myself better, I’m finding my way in nourishing this figurative (as well as literal) beating heart of mine. Writing has most definitely improved my life, creating has changed me, and now I accept myself. 

The desire to fit into these boxes of people that I now realize I was never meant for… that desire isn’t inside me today.

Somehow... I’m free...

I’m free.

My happiness isn’t reliant on opinions, instead, I feel as though I’m meeting myself for the first time.

I’m not writing this to ‘brag’ or anything like that, I’m just… I’m just really happy and I wanted to talk about it. It’s good to notice and smile upon the sparkles found in our own eyes. Of course this is something that we have to continue to push, and I know that it’s hard, but it’ll be okay. We’re gonna be great someday, I’m sure of it. Things will continue to change, and I will have my downs again, and this is something I acknowledge, but I know I won’t be down forever. 

In this time, in this minute, in this ever grounding reality of mine, I feel everything and yeah, I’m pretty into it.

I’m still working on surrounding myself with an environment that I can feel completely in love with, I’ve still got a lot of stuff to do, so that’s what I’m doing right now in time. My heart is just a draft that I’m craving to perfect, and perhaps one day I’ll feel solid in my decision to let ‘me’ be. 

I suppose we merely have to wait and see how it goes, for all of us.