Distractions.
Lately I’ve been listening to sad music so that I can feel it all, as if I don’t already feel enough. It’s my favorite form of abuse on my far too fragile heart; it’s a terribly direct form of ‘distraction’.
These days, we search for distractions so that we miss out on the deafening silence, I think we’ve been doing this for far longer than we realize… perhaps we do this because it actually feels like it works, at least as much as a bandaid works.
We procrastinate our emotions and therefore they come back with a vengeance. But, we need the distractions right now. We need a vacation from this ocean of tears we have collectively created… so we wear our reminders of better times, and we go about our day.
This is a terrible love letter to those neglected feelings, and the splintered hearts (mine included) that outgrow the prison we’ve put been keeping them in… The quietly depressed, the anxious butterflies, the broken hearted…
You’re stronger than your surroundings are making you feel. Maybe you’re more alone than you’ve ever been before, and your suppressed emotions are all that you can seem to hear. The days never seem to end, and the nights never seem to last. The dreamers have fallen, and the grounded are lost…
I place myself in the category of a fallen dreamer, but the mistake I’ve made is allowing myself to stay down. Sometimes we can’t help but touch the ground, or get a bit lost, but we don’t have to give in and remain on that unintentional route. These paths can turn into a journey of finding our way back, mentally, to a safer place.
You are strong, I wish you would remember that more often. It’s not weak to experience pain or emotions, in fact I think it’s quite brave of you to do so. It’s scary to unlock those prisons and confront what you have been avoiding, but once you do, you find yourself on a journey of getting past it. Locking these things away, doesn’t mean it won’t affect you… eventually the cage gets too small, and it becomes an explosion of overwhelming complications.
You’re not alone, my friend.
I’m sitting with you, sharing headphones as we play the sad music and quietly feel it all.