Acceptance

(This is an excerpt of a book I’ll never finish. Enjoy.)

I’m lost, sinking into a broken heart, the one I’ve broken myself. I tell myself that I don’t want to get into it, but honestly it’s all I can grasp at this point. Yes I wanted to feel real, but does it have to be like this? Why must they see me as they do? Why have they molded my own view of who it is I should be? I’ve allowed this to happen… it’s my fault, yes I know. Maybe if I could change… maybe I could become a beautiful picture of a human. The human they tell me I should have been from the start..

What’s wrong with me?? 

I’ll rip my skin until my smile is perfectly formed, just like theirs.

Yes.

I’ll change everything… I’ll morph into their dreams of perfection, and then I’ll be able to breathe. 

Caked in makeup, the paint dripping off,  but it’s okay. It still manages to cover up the scars. It’s not that bad… I’m beautiful now, right??

This is what I wanted…

My vision fades and adjusts to the perfection of society, forced upon me by the approval I’ve been told to crave. 

Convince me that my painted eyes are beautiful, yet scroll past my broken structure due to too much contrast.

For you. It’s all for you. Can’t you see that?

Accept me so that I can accept myself.

I try so hard to make my efforts seem effortless, and my morning glow to appear as the bitter word: natural.

The actual reality of that word isn’t so bad, but just like our appearances, it has been morphed.

Yet, here I am, begging you to believe it. Subscribe to my perfect deception, and feed my ravenous soul with your ever sweet Acceptance.